You. I know you. I remember you. You’ve changed a little like teenagers do. A little skinnier, a little taller, a little poofier hair. You hooked me twice last year. Do you have any idea how much it hurts to have a hook through your face and be hoisted up outta your world into some outer space where you can’t even breath?

That’s not the worst of it. The worst wasn’t the first time. It was knowing that I fell for it AGAIN! What worm has pink sparkles in it? I still had that bitter rubber taste in my mouth when I fell for it AGAIN!. If I had a finger I would be shaking it at you right now. You. You will not fool me again. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, I’m a fuckin’ idiot. Fool me three times, not gonna happen Sunshine. This is nice clear water. I see you and you see me and you’re lookin’ at me and you think you know what I’m thinking. You think I’m new. You don’t recognize me because to you we all look the same. I’M NOT LAWRENCE FISHBURN! I”M SAMUEL L. JACKSON!. We don’t all look the same.

I can even hear you holding court with your little buddies up there talking about this kind of bait and that kind of lure and what time of day we’re hungry and when we’re not and what we’re thinking. Calm down there Spencer Tracey it ain’t that simple. I think you’re underestimating your opponent here. You make me laugh.

Oh that’s cute. oh… ok you’re hangin’ it right in front of me like I’m some kinda shmo. Oh you’re gonna follow me around with it now? Oh hold me back. i just gotta have another bite of that tasty sparkly rubber like I ain’t had enough already.

I hear you talking about your cousin up there in the Kawarthas and the horrible heinous things he does to my people. “Clean?” He “cleans” them!? Is that what he does? Can you say decapitate? Say it. Say disembowelment. Say dismemberment. I wanna hear you say what it is. It’s MURDER! That’s what it is. At least you throw me back. But not before the selfies and the high fiving and the excitement like I’m here for your fuckin’ amusement?

I’m gonna stay right here and warn any and all of my friends and family about you and your sparkly worm. Watch out for Mr. Sparkly worm. Well I’m at least a four pounder now. It’s my job to protect the tribe and I’ll be here every day so get comfy. it’s gonna be a very long summer for you sir.

Ok what’s this? Oh ok. nice worm. No sparkles. Wait, is this a… You sprung for live worms? At five bucks a box you bought real worms? You must be makin’ bank there scooping ice cream you can afford real worms? Ya I know about you and your job at the ice cream stand. I can hear you talking about yourself all the time.

That actually looks pretty good. I think I’ll just take a little off the bottom. Nowhere near the hook just below it just to cost you a worm. And another and another. You can keep throwing new worms out and I’ll be glad to fill up on tasty half warms and run you right outta business. I will send you packing and you are welcome. You sir have met your match.

All right. Thank you father for this juicy tasty ass lower half of an actual earthworm we are about to receive. Here we go. Over the lips, under the gums, look out stomach here …